Don't Poke The Bear
by Basched
Summary: It's not wise to poke Jayne Cobb when he's sleeping. Rayne.


****_Author's note: This was originally posted on my LJ for Brandywine's birthday last year. A nice little bit of Rayne! Beta'd by the dude of dudes...Big Bad Jayne. _

_Enjoy. _

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><p><strong>Don't Poke The Bear <strong>

_ Poke_

A finger jabbed hard at his forehead. Jayne swatted at it with a floppy sleepy hand but he hit nothing.

_Poke. _

A finger poked at his forehead again. He growled and tried to swat the annoyance but he missed. The finger wasn't letting him be. It continued to jab at his cheek, his nose and chin and they weren't gentle pokes either. A rough uneven nail dug into his skin every time and it pissed him off.

"_Chou zi!_" Jayne's order came out like a groggy whine, yet it did nothing as the finger poked again all over his face and then at his arm and chest. Someone wanted his attention, but Jayne was not in the mood. He was tired, worn out and he needed to sleep. If this poking carried on, whoever was doing it was going to be in a whole lot of hurt.

The poking did continue. The intervals between the poking shortened and the strength of them increased. Jayne reckoned he was going to get bruises on his bruises.

_Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. _

The finger went in his sides, his legs and back up to his face and it was seriously pissing him off. There was only one person who could piss him off like this.

"Crazy…didn'tcha Ma ever tell ya not to poke wild bears?" he snarled covering his face with his arm. The poking jabbed at his arm. "They'll most likely kill ya!"

"There are no wild bears on Osiris!" sing-songed the ship's resident crazy girl. She giggled and continued to poke Jayne, with two fingers. "Big grizzly bears became extinct on Earth-That-Was….ell She thought that fact to be true until She met Him! She wants to see the bear dance!"

"I ain't dancing for you or anyone, Crazy. Now fuck off and let me sleep."

"Shan't put a muzzle on him." River poked his nose and the corner of his mouth, her hand snapped away quickly when he snarled and bared his teeth. River laughed. "Bears aren't supposed to be muzzled. They devour and eat and kill…claws and teeth! Grrr!"

Her attempt at a growl came out like a purr, especially when River laughed afterwards. She poked him again.

"Get up lazy bear! There is no time to hibernate!"

"I swear…" Jayne ground his teeth. "If ya don't stop that now…I will kill ya."

Of course, she didn't. Her lilting laughter preceded several pokes to his stomach and then to his face, and Jayne felt the anger swell up inside him.

There were no more warnings. No more Mr Nice Jayne.

He shot up from his lying position and his large hand grabbed a delicate white arm and dragged the body it was attached to, to the other side of the room. Her cheerful cries of delight wasn't the reaction he wanted so instead he flung her up against the wall and with his hand gripping around her neck hauled her up off the floor.

Jayne wanted to call her all the disgusting and foul names he could think of, in common tongue and Mandarin, but all he could do was huff and seethe frustrating anger right in her face. Anyone else would be struggling for breath in his grip, they would be thrashing and prying at his fingers to let go, but instead River just grinned and hung there, relishing the squeeze of his fingers round her throat.

"Gorram _feng le_ bitch!" His hand squeezed just that little bit tighter, but then he let go and pinned her there with just his body. "Now ya gonna pay! Mal…Simon, all them others…they ain't gonna save ya. I'm gonna rip you up! I'm gonna do what I should have done the first time you set foot on this boat!"

The blade was at River's throat in seconds.

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><p><em>Poke. <em>

Those damned fingers were jabbing in his side again.

_Poke. Poke. Poke. _

"Fuck off! I'm sleepin!"

_Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. _

"Sleepy bear? She's bored. You're no fun when you're sleeping."

"And ya annoyin' when yer not! Fuck off!"

_Poke. Poke. Poke. _

River really wasn't giving up. Even now as she sat upon his wearied and sweat drenched body, rocking upon his utterly spent John Thomas to get some life back into it and him, she was not letting him have one moment of peace. It seemed River Tam had a much more active sex drive than he did, which surprised Jayne no end. He'd lost count now how many times they'd sexed this morning. _Yep…it was still morning!_ Jayne didn't know if he could keep up with her. All he wanted to do was sleep…

_Poke. Poke. Poke. _

"Sleepy Jayne Bear?"

_Poke. Poke. _

"Jayne?"

_Poke. Poke. Poke. _

_Growl._

"Gorammit! Again?"


End file.
